Articles and Handouts

Technical Guidelines for Welcome to Oz Community

Technical Guidelines to the Welcome to Oz Community

Welcome to the Oz community. I'm Randi Kreger, the owner since 1995. We're here to help and support you with your borderline or narcissistic family member. We have two sets of guidelines: this, the Technical  Guidelines, shows you all the things you're able to do on the Yahoogroups platform (such as sending a message or changing your name). The Community Guidelines discuss what to talk about and general list netiquette. Please keep both sets handy as you will need them!

YOU ARE REPONSIBLE FOR KNOWING THIS INFORMATION. For anything you don't find here, there is a HELP link at the bottom of Yahoogroups pages. The URL is  Keep this email. If you lose it, you can find it under FILES from your group's homepage.

How to Reach the Moderators or Community Owner Randi Kreger

Send a message to (nameofgroup) For example, (please note the hyphen). The footer of every post contain this email address. The bottom of every email also tells you how to unsubscribe.

How to Subscribe

The largest two lists we offer are WelcomeToOz  and WelcomeToOz2. They contain all types of family members. Please also check out our smaller specialized lists, e.g., those for parents, siblings, adult children, partners in various situations, and more. You can find a complete list at

Once you choose a group (you can always change your mind) go to wherever you keep your email (such as Outlook) and send a blank email to (nameofgroup); for example, Please note the hyphen. The first time you join Yahoogroups, yahoo will ask you your birth date and such. You will need to decide your frequency preferences.

How To Set Your Frequency Preferences

Most groups are extremely active; some get many dozens a day. You will get overwhelmed unless you set your group to Daily Digest or No Mail (meaning read messages on the web). We strongly suggest you NOT use your work mail.

From your group's main page, click Membership | select Edit Membership.

Next to "Subscription," click the Edit icon. Then select a message delivery option and click Save.

A) Individual Emails - Messages are delivered to you one at a time.

B) Daily Digest - Messages are delivered in batches of 15 or daily, whichever comes sooner. You can also switch to the Daily Digest by sending a blank email to (nameofgroup)

D) No Email - Messages are only available to read on the Web in the archives. WTOStaying, WTOTransition, and WTODivorcing do not contain archives. If you are in these groups, you must go with A) or B).

You can also switch to No Email by sending a blank email to (nameofgroup)

How to Unsubscribe (Our Most Common Question)

You must do this yourself. Send a blank email to (nameofgroup); for example, Please note the hyphen. If you don't get a message confirming that change, it's likely you've made one of two common mistakes:

You didn't use the hyphen (e.g. "

You sent your message to the list owner (e.g.,

Please be a hero for handling your own subscription because we only have two volunteers for 20,000 people. Ask any list member for help if you need to. This is very easy.

Privacy Features and Guidelines

Keep in mind that every list except WTODivorcing, WTOTransition, and WTOStaying contain archives of posts since the year 2000. Thus, every member must use an email address that is not their real name and must remove all contact info from the bottom of the list. Upon joining Welcome to Oz you agree to hold harmless Welcome To Oz from all liability for any consequences for using your real name or using contact information. You are also required to have a separate email address from your BPD family member with a password known only to you. If you have trouble setting up a web-based address, please go to the help section of that site.

To create privacy, create a web-based email at Gmail, AOL, or elsewhere. When you create the account, do not use your real name even if they insist you do so. Use a fictitious first and last name. This way you don't have to worry about exactly how and why your names is used.


GMAIL: Be careful with Gmail! By default, it includes your account name in the email header. Not just the email address.

Change your email settings before sending any messages.

- goto

- click the gear box in the upper right

- click "Settings" in the drop down box

- click "Accounts and Import" on the top Settings menu

- click "Send mail as" and enter something non-identifying

It's a good idea to send mail to one of your other accounts first to make sure it comes through with no identifying information.

YAHOO: Because WTO exists on Yahoogroups, if you are using a yahoo address, you can block your name from going on a post, Go to:

No matter which route you take, it's a good idea to send an email to a friend beforehand so confirm nothing personal comes through. Don't be one of those panicked people who send us and ask that we stop a post from going through. This is impossible.


If you posted something to the group with your name on it, you can delete it (see below). You can only delete your own message.

1. On your group's main page, click Conversations.

2. Click Messages.

3. Click the title of the message you want to delete.

- The message loads.

4. Mouse over the message's text, then click the Delete icon.


Notify us immediately with your name and the list you are on. We will take care of it. Change your password right away. Delete any posts they made. If your family member tries to shame you, ask us for help.

How to Switch Lists or Change Your Email

Many people decide to switch names on a list for privacy, drop off lists, or subscribe to new lists. This may sound hard, but everything you need to do is outlined right here!

1. HOW TO SWITCH NAMES ON A LIST: If you want to change your email address on list XXX, simply unsubscribe from the "old" address you're using now and subscribe with your new address.  Do not subscribe with a new name to pretend you're a different person.

2. HOW TO ADD A LIST: You can subscribe to as many lists as you want.

3. HOW TO DROP A LIST: See "Unsubscribe."

How to Send a Message to the List

1. Open a new email message as you normally do from your email program (Outlook, Gmail, etc).

2. Enter (nameofgroup) into the "To" field; for example  (If you are replying to someone else's message, the To field will already be filled out.)  If this is your first message, please introduce yourself and tell us about your situation. Or, just ask a question. There is no wrong way to send a first message. This is a welcoming group and people will be happy you are here. You don't need to apologize for writing a long post (honestly).I assure you we will believe you and we have all been there.  If you are shy or want to get your bearings before introducing yourself, you can just read messages (be a lurker).

3. Enter your message content into the email body.

4. Send your email to submit your post

5. Attachments are not allowed, but links to reputable, relevant sites are OK.

As an alternative, you can also post from the home page of your group. This is convenient if you are reading messages from the web site.

1. On your group's main page, click New Topic. (On mobile, tap the Post topic icon ).

3. Enter your message and press send.

How to Reply to a Message to the List

Just hit reply to any message you get in your email inbox.  Please trim long messages using your delete key. You can also reply from the homepage of your group (press "reply" at the end of a post, write your comments, and press Send).


Everyone on the list is either ON moderation or OFF moderation. To simplify things, if you are on moderation, it means your post will take a few hours or as long as a day to appear on the list. This is because we glance at each post to make sure it isn't spam, porn, otherwise inappropriate, or someone's spouse who broke into the group (please keep a separate email address).

How to Search The Archives (except for WTOstaying and WTODivorcing)

The Welcome to Oz Community has been going on Yahoogroups (and its predecessors) since 2000. You can search the archives for any word (or group of words enclosed by quotation marks) that interest you. However, years ago members of WTODivorcing and WTOStaying  voted not to keep archives for privacy purposes. If you wish to search past posts from similar threads from a totally different community, search at the family message board The stories and problems of family members are the same wherever you go.

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