Randi Kreger has brought the concerns of people who have a family member with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to an international forefront through her best-selling books, informative website, and popular online family support community Welcome to Oz.
"Before pursuing publication, consider whether you want to share the gory details of your life with neighbors and strangers. When you tell your story on a blog or in a book—even if you control what and how the story is shared—you open yourself to criticism, challenge, and even ridicule. Are you ready for that? Is your life grounded enough to withstand the praise and critique that come with success?"
"It has been five years since my wife completed treatment and I must say life has been steadily improving for both of us. It has been like a big old freight train; it takes a lot to get it started, but then it slowly and steadily builds up momentum. It was a tough battle for both of us. We now both agree that it was well worth it, and it was too bad we could not have been in position to have started years earlier."
I've never felt so alone and empty. The only thing I wanted in that moment of darkness and vulnerability was love. I also wanted to take a knife and stab myself. I never ended up following through with the latter and looking back on that night, I should have never left my friends and gone home alone.
Unless you're a sibling or an adult child of someone with BPD or NPD, there was a time when you did not live with your borderline or narcissistic loved one. Think about what has changed--and what has changed you.
Does the person in your life with borderline personality disorder have these distorted beliefs and attitudes? Rate these on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high). This will give you a chance to see where on the continuum your family member lies.
Many people don't know that some clinicians have had their own mental health struggles. This is the story of one of them who had borderline personality disorder and who blogs at Psychology Today.
Do you have an opinion or story about borderline or narcissistic personality disorders? Are you a clinician with something to offer my readers? Consider writing a guest blog. Email me with your idea Randi at BPDCentral dot com.
A guest blog from a woman with a borderline mother and narcissistic father.
If you have BPD, Amanda Wang wants to interview you about recovery for her new book. Here is the link.
This is part two of my post on emotional blackmail.
People with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder may use emotional blackmail because it's the best or the only way they know to get what they want or need. Unwilling or unable to make a direct request, FOG becomes the lever of choice to those who suffer from low self-esteem and have difficulty setting personal limits and stating what they want. Victims capitulate because they often possess these same qualities. And perpetrators use whatever works again and again.
If you don't know where you end and your family member begins, you may be enmeshed. This article will explain what that is and how to get in balance.
To become an emotional caretaker, you need to be highly intuitive of the needs of the BP/NP, intelligent enough to learn the distorted and contradictory rules the BP/NP needs to function, observant enough to keep track of all the nuances of the fast changing emotional family environment, creative enough to find ways to calm and appease the BP/NP, and have a low enough self-esteem to not think that you deserve better treatment, more consideration or equal caring in return.
Studies show that writing is a form of inexpensive therapy that can help you truly understand yourself. Here are some tips.
In today's politics, there is the fantasy of victory for those who believe they are the sole owners of the truth and own the one right way to the future. This is a narcissistic view of the world that is not real and does not work, and is much the way that divorcing spouses treat each other.
Read this list of healthy relationships. Does your partnership meet these standards?
Resentment and ignorance often mark breakups with borderline partners. It's normal to be angry and resentful, but when it goes too far it doesn't do you any good and can even be harmful.
You do not want to be held hostage to your borderline family member's capabilities or desire to change. That means accepting the fact that seeking treatment is entirely her decision. You can tell her how your actions and words make you feel and suggest solutions. But what she does with that information is out of your hands.
The number one thing family members want to know about their narcissistic relative is, will they seek therapy? The next question should be, even if they do, will they be able to find the right therapist?
Do you have a borderline partner? If so, take this survey.
People with borderline and personality disorder (but not all of them) lie for different reasons.
The late Mary Kennedy is revealed to have borderline personality disorder.
The "vulnerable" type of narcissist has much in common with people who have borderline personality disorder.
Some people make life miserable for others. They blame you for their own problems, have no empathy, and always seem to be conjuring up trouble. A subset of them are called "high conflict people" and have borderline or narcissistic disorder.
Being passive could cost you a lot in many different ways.
"We may cultivate guilt to blot out the awareness of our own anger."
Harriet Goldhor Lerner
Your chance to hear to see the Chicago Bears football player and BPD spokesperson.
Here, a member of BPDFamily wants to know the difference between supporting someone and being codependent.
The Christian tradition is that the marriage covenant is broken by adultery or sexual unfaithfulness in marriage. But there are other kinds of unfaithfulness, including abuse.
Are you distraught every time your family member acts borderline or narcissistic? Are you surprised that once again, this person is self-absorbed/over-emotional/etc.? Radical acceptance can't prevent pain, but it can make suffering optional.
If you are in a romantic relationship with a high conflict partner with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, you may be confused about where to start when setting limits. In this article, therapist and author Dr. Susan Heitler and I suggest 10 essential limits you might want to set.
Do you care for or support a relative or significant other who has borderline personality disorder or another personality disorder? If so, you are invited to participate in an online survey from researchers at the University of Wollongong, Australia.
People with borderline and narcissistic personality often try to isolate their partners for many reasons. BPs and NPs can be exceedingly jealous, and often they don't want their partner's family and friends to know what's going on in the relationship. Take this quiz to see if you're becoming an island in the middle of the sea.
According to this article, people who are more narcissistic (but may not have narcissistic personality disorder) may be more socially agressive.
Many relationships with people with high conflict personalities end in divorce. The better educated you are, the less likely it will all blow up in your face. Here is a quick-start guide from the book Splitting by Bill Eddy.
First of all, remember to breathe deeply. Don't feel pressured to answer right away. Delay and distract, and empathize with the feelings (but not necessarily the facts).
Some family members of people with borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder have embraced detaching with love, a concept promoted by Al Anon, an organization for people whose lives are affected by someone who abuses alcohol.
New resource for people living "down under."
Acceptance is the place to start.
I've redesigned BPDCentral to update it with new information and make it easier for you to find the information you need to interact with someone who has borderline or narcissistic disorder.
Welcome to BPDCentral and this blog! Here are some of the basics about borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.
New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells
Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
The Basics of Borderline Personality Disorder for Beginners
Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Conversations with William A. Eddy
Featuring Ken Lewis and James Paul Shirley
Protecting Your Mental Health When Your Partner has Borderline Personality Disorder